Today is my birthday and I share it with Dorothy Parker, the writer who asked the question that titles this post. I don’t know if the “fresh Hell” to which she was referring was birthdays, but it usually is in my book. I have a love/hate relationship with my birthday. Yes, I’m grateful to be alive and all that, but birthdays have had a negative connotation for me for a while now.

Birthdays, like New Year’s Eve (another occasion I dislike), offer an opportunity to gaze back on the year that has passed and take stock. You know, relive the fun things you did, the places you’ve been, and the goals that you accomplished. This might be a fun and fulfilling exercise if the past year has been full of merriment and mastery. When it hasn’t, well, stay away from the Sylvia Plath poetry and hot ovens.

Aside from the lack of fun, travel and success, there is always the age issue. I can, and do, take solace in the fact that people often don’t believe me when I tell them my age. (In case you’re keeping score at home, I’m now 46.) Who doesn’t want to look younger, aside from a kid with a fake I.D., right? However, there are benchmarks we all assume that we’ll meet by certain ages. For some, it’s marriage or kids by a certain age and for others, it’s a career goal.

I’ve met none of the benchmarks I imagined when I was looking forward to the future 20 or 30 years ago. The ominous “tick, tick tick” of my non-biological clock grows louder every year. I see so many roads not taken and chances missed. I worry that my window of opportunity has closed or at least is closing very quickly.

I give lip service to believing in some metaphysical concepts like everything happening for a reason and in its own time, etc., but what if life is random and as the saying goes, “You snooze, you lose”? What if my “best” days are behind me? What do I do then? Do I just stay in my pajamas all day and watch bad television? Do I listen to The Smiths over and over again? Or, do I do something else?

The first thing I decided to do was see what other people born on August 22nd (aside from dear Dorothy), had to say. You know, maybe there’s some wisdom I can take from them. First on the list was science fiction writer Ray Bradbury. Sci-Fi really isn’t my thing, but hell, it’s worth a try. You’re on, Ray.

Ray Bradbury: “If you don’t like what you’re doing, then don’t do it.”

Pithy, yet profound. But, can it really be that simple? Hmm. Let’s see what blues great John Lee Hooker thinks. I met him once back in the mid-1980s when I interned at a radio station. Okay, John Lee. Hit me.

John Lee Hooker: “I don’t do nothing I don’t want to do.”

Am I sensing a theme here, fellas? I get it. Only do what makes me happy. A tad esoteric, but that’s okay. I think Boston Red Sox legend Carl Yastrzemski summed up life and the big questions that plague us just right. He was referring to baseball, but it fits this little discussion. Okay, Yaz. You’re up.

Carl Yastrzemski: “This game is strange.”

Yes it is, Yaz. Yes, it is. But it’s the only game I have, so I guess it’s time to suit up and play.