I went for an MRI on my back a couple weeks ago and I freaked out. Yes, indeedy. I panicked like the girls I despised in school who would squeal in horror if a ball came near them in gym class. I didn’t scream, but I did ask the tech to let me come out right after being put in. I knew that it was a confined space but it wasn’t until my arms were pressed into my body and I could feel the sides of the tube that I panicked. Luckily, the tech was kind and patient. She gave me some time, a glass of water and promised to crank the air up to help me breathe. So, I took some deep breaths, put in the earplugs, put on the eye mask and laid back down.

Josie, the tech, would talk to me before each test and let me know how long each one would be. I would stammer out, “Oh, okay. Thanks!”, in the cheeriest, calmest voice I could muster. Who was I trying to fool? She had already witnessed my girly freak-out, so re-claiming any cred was futile. Still, I had to do it. There’s something in me that doesn’t like to show others what I’m really feeling. I have lots of suspicions why this is, and that’s a whole other blog post for sure. Let’s just say that making myself vulnerable comes about as easy to me as those word problems we used to get in math class. You know what I’m talking about. Two trains are going in opposite directions? I always went down the wrong track (no pun intended) with these problems. I’d get caught up in the red herrings in the story like the conductor was eating a bologna sandwich. It always pissed me off that x + y never equaled the bologna sandwich.

But I digress. So, during the minutes when Josie wasn’t talking to me, I had to do something with my time to keep from hyperventilating. I tried to do some meditating and focus just on my breathing. That worked a bit but then I worried that I was breathing too deeply. Maybe the deep inhalations would mess up the MRI. Then I started thinking about all the other ways I could mess up the MRI:  involuntary muscle twitching, an itch on my nose, a coughing fit. Obviously, this made me breathe shallower and faster. Not good. So back to deep breaths. Josie told me to imagine I was in Hawaii. Nice thought, but I’m one of maybe two people who have never been to Hawaii. When I think of Hawaii, sure I think of how beautiful it must be. But then I think of humidity, how badly I’d burn, and the stories I’ve heard about flying cockroaches. This brings on more shallow, fast breathing. Okay, cancel Hawaii. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.

Before I can find an image that doesn’t contain hacking coughs or flying prehistoric insects, Josie tells me that I’m done. I feel myself sliding out of the chamber of horrors and I’m free. I thank Josie for her kindness and wait for the pictures. I sneak a peek at one of the pictures and I can’t make sense of it. It’s x + y all over again except this time, I’m okay with waiting to find out the answer. But, I do find myself craving a bologna sandwich for the first time in years.