Gratitude isn’t second nature to me. My tendency is to focus on what’s wrong or missing and not on what’s right and what I already have. I’m not proud of this and it’s something that I’m trying to change, but it’s not always easy. Some of you know that this year has been a bit challenging for me. My mother had major back surgery that I helped her through. I subsequently hurt my back and lost my job. I’ve often felt like I was living in a depressing country song, without the big hair and sequins, that is.
While I realize that there are many people in extremely dire and depressing situations all over the world, our personal stuff is our stuff, after all, and it’s important. That’s why the news yesterday about my mother’s back was so welcome.
The surgeon wanted her to go for a CT scan in order to really see how her spine was fusing. Her recovery has been excellent so far. The debilitating spasms have disappeared and other pains have diminished and at age 78, she has her life back. And yes, I have been grateful for her renewed lease on life. However, I’ve still been operating in crisis management mode, monitoring practically each and every move she makes to make sure she’s not doing too much and worrying over every single thing. It’s exhausting for me and I know it’s annoying to her. This little coping strategy of mine hasn’t been conducive to slowing down for a little gratitude.
So, she went for the scan and the results couldn’t have been better. Her spine is completely fused less than seven months after surgery. This is amazing. Part of this is due to some innovative techniques by her surgeon. The other part of it is due to my mother.
She has survived more than her fair share of health issues and traumas throughout her life and she never gives up. She wants to live more than anyone I know and she puts in the work to get better. I, on the other hand, can brood about my birthday and feel that all my chances for happiness are behind me. (I know. Overly dramatic, much? I am a Leo, after all.)
Hearing that she has recovered faster and more completely than some patients half her age gave me pause. How can I not live each day fully and embrace life’s journey after watching my mother this past seven months? Without even realizing it, I became filled with gratitude, not only for her brilliant surgeon and other doctors, but also for her. I’ve always been proud to be her daughter. I’m even more grateful that she’s my mother.
