College of Marin Drama Department Retrospective Exhibition Press Release

College of Marin Drama Department Presents Retrospective Gallery Exhibition Fundraiser Commemorating 50 Years of Performances

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
January 7, 2015

KENTFIELD, CA – As a fundraiser for the College of Marin (COM) Drama Department, a retrospective gallery exhibition celebrating 50 years of performances will be open to the public.

This exhibition is a true multimedia event featuring almost 3,000 photographs, a collection of hundreds of reviews and programs, audio clips featuring directors, actors and set designers, and video clips of past performances.

Former students and faculty can travel back in time and find themselves as they walk through the gallery and celebrate their contributions to the department’s history. Current students and faculty can learn about the legacy they are carrying on.

“The idea for the 50 year retrospective was born out of the desire to reflect on the accomplishments of the students, faculty, and program as we hit this landmark Golden Anniversary,” said College of Marin’s Chair of Drama, Lisa Morse. “This gallery show celebrates the alumni who have participated over the years and the current students who are continuing a tradition of excellence that has become the hallmark of this program. It is a celebration about THEM. Without the students and their hard work and dedication, we would not have a program”

 CALENDAR INFORMATION:

WHAT:
Retrospective Exhibition, Special Fundraiser for the College of Marin Drama Department

WHEN:
March 6 – March 22
Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

WHERE:
Fine Arts Gallery
Performing Arts Building, Kentfield Campus
835 College Avenue
Kentfield, CA 94904 

ADMISSION:
Admission is free, but contributions are appreciated. Historical photographs will be available for purchase and all proceeds will benefit the COM Drama Department.

EXHIBITION TEAM BIOGRAPHIES:

James Dunn: Students have studied with Jim Dunn since he founded the College of Marin Drama Department in 1964. Jim taught full time for 30 years, and continues to teach on a part-time basis.  He served as Chair of the Drama Department until 1994, directing more than 250 plays.  Among his most notable is a 1971 Wild West production of Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew, which was performed at the Edinburgh Festival in Scotland.  To the delight of students and audiences alike, Jim continues to teach Shakespeare and direct spring productions.

During his tenure at the College, Jim received several honors, most notably, San Francisco Bay Area Theatre Critic’s Circle (SFBATCC) Awards for Directing, the Los Angeles Dramalogue Award for Directing, and the San Francisco Dramalogue Award for Directing.  He was also nominated for the Hayward Award for Excellence in Teaching and received an Award for Outstanding Contribution to the Arts in Marin County from the Marin County Cultural Society.  He also received a Milly Award for Achievement in Theatre Arts from the City of Mill Valley, California. Jim was honored to receive the 2012 Heroes of Marin Lifetime Achievement Award granted by the Pacific Sun and the Lifetime Achievement Directing Award from the SFBATCC. In 2012 the Board of Trustees unanimously approved the dedication of the College of Marin’s – James Dunn Theatre in recognition of his commitment and achievement.

Outside of the College, Dunn was the artistic director of the Marin County Mountain Play for 30 years.  He has also worked as a visiting director at the American Conservatory Theatre in San Francisco, the Old Globe Theatre in San Diego, Denver Center for the Arts in Colorado, the Julliard School in New York, the Marin Shakespeare Festival, and the Marin Theatre Company.

Ron Krempetz: Ron has been the scenic designer for over 200 productions at the College of Marin since 1970. He is currently an Adjunct Instructor of Drama teaching Stage Craft and Scenic Design.

With a B.A. and M.A. from San Jose State University, Ron began his teaching career at Boise State University in 1968 and returned to the Bay Area two years later. In addition to his work at COM, Ron has created sets for many professional, educational and amateur theatre companies including: The Mountain Play, San Francisco Ballet, Marin Theatre Company, Porchlight Theatre Company, Ross Valley Players, Napa Valley Community College and numerous independent theatre productions. Outside of theatre, Ron has created theatrical environments for both retail and tradeshow clients throughout the United States and around the world, and has earned awards for both industrial and theatre projects.

Ron is responsible for combing through and organizing the department’s massive catalogue of photographs, programs, reviews, posters and videos for this exhibition.

Patricia Polen: Patricia Polen has designed over 100 shows for both professional and academic theater in her 39 years as a costume designer, receiving several SFBATCC Awards along the way. In addition to her design work, she teaches Production Stagecraft, Production Preparation for Costume and Hair, Production Crew, Stage Makeup: Theory and Practice, and Introduction to Theatre. She also works as a make-up artist for the San Francisco Opera and is the Wig and Make-up Designer/Supervisor for the Portland Opera. She has a growing interest in the design and construction of puppets and hopes to share that interest in future productions.

David White: David White has been the technical director at COM since 1986. In the five years between his high school graduation and employment at the College, David worked in the Bay Area professional theatre world, learning new techniques and honing his stagecraft. In his many years at COM, David has built, lit, and sometimes even costumed, well over 100 shows. During his summer vacations, David works for a design-build firm constructing displays for the California State Fair. He has received numerous awards for these displays, including “Best of Show”.

ABOUT COM DRAMA DEPARTMENT:
College of Marin Drama productions have entertained audiences for 50 years while providing students opportunities to study with professional instructors. Support of this production and others enables the Department to continue the mission of educating students and enriching the community.

Fundraising money from last year allowed the COM Drama Department to finish this year’s season of shows but without a budget increase, the Department must rely on public support more than ever going forward.

College of Marin Drama Department “Love Letters” Fundraiser Press Release

College of Marin Drama Department Presents Special Valentine’s Fundraiser Performance of Love Letters

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

January 6, 2015

KENTFIELD, CA – As a celebration of Valentine’s Day weekend and as a fundraiser for the College of Marin (COM) Drama Department, a limited engagement of A.R. Gurney’s Love Letters will be performed, starring James Dunn and Anne Ripley. Directed by Robert Wilson, Love Letters is a universal love story that speaks to the lost art of the written word.

Love Letters does what we’re told a good play should – it holds a mirror up to nature,” said Director Robert Wilson. “The audience becomes involved through the humor, embarrassments, conflicts, confessions and touching love revealed through a lifetime of correspondence between a complicated, but most appealing, couple. Because it touches everyone, it has endured and becomes fresh with each re-telling.”

CALENDAR INFORMATION:

WHAT:
Love Letters, Special Fundraiser for the College of Marin Drama Department

WHO:
Written by A.R. Gurney
Directed by Robert Wilson
Starring James Dunn and Anne Ripley

WHEN:
February 13* (Preview), 7:30 p.m.
February 14**, 7:30 p.m.
February 15**, 2 p.m.

WHERE:
Studio Theatre, Performing Arts Building
Kentfield Campus
(Corner of Sir Francis Drake Blvd. and Laurel Avenue, Kentfield)

ADMISSION:
*Suggested donation: $10
**Suggested donation: $25
Proceeds to benefit the College of Marin Drama Department

TICKETS:
Please contact Kim Foulger, 415.485.9555 or kim.foulger@marin.edu to reserve your seats.

ARTIST BIOGRAPHIES:

Robert Wilson (Director): Robert Wilson’s theatre experience began at the College of Marin 30 years ago, as a backstage go-fer, and subsequently as a student actor in such shows as Death of a Salesman, The Caine Mutiny Court Martial, Our Town, and most recently, in Detective Story.

Bob was stage manager for a number of COM productions. He attended drama department classes as a part-time student for a number of years and then moved on to full-time involvement in local Bay Area theatres with Marin Opera, Marin Civic Light Opera, Altarena Playhouse, The Masquers, The Mountain Play, and Ross Valley Players. 

His experience includes performing, stage management, directing, and theatre administration.  At RVP, he has directed 19 productions, and initially directed James Dunn and Anne Ripley in Love Letters in 1994.  He has received San Francisco Bay Area Critics Circle (SFBATCC) awards as both an actor and a director.  

James Dunn (Andrew Makepeace Ladd III): Students have studied with Jim Dunn since he founded the College of Marin Drama Department in 1964. Jim taught full time for 30 years, and continues to teach on a part-time basis.  He served as Chair of the Drama Department until 1994, directing more than 250 plays.  Among his most notable is a 1971 Wild West production of Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew, which was performed at the Edinburgh Festival in Scotland.  To the delight of students and audiences alike, Jim continues to teach Shakespeare and direct spring productions. 

During his tenure at the College, Jim received several honors, most notably, several SFBATCC Awards for Directing, the Los Angeles Dramalogue Award for Directing, and the San Francisco Dramalogue Award for Directing.  He was also nominated for the Hayward Award for Excellence in Teaching and received an Award for Outstanding Contribution to the Arts in Marin County from the Marin County Cultural Society.  He also received a Milly Award for Achievement in Theatre Arts from the City of Mill Valley, California.  Jim was honored to receive the 2012 Heroes of Marin Lifetime Achievement Award granted by the Pacific Sun and the Lifetime Achievement Directing Award from the SFBATCC. In 2012 the Board of Trustees unanimously approved the dedication of the College of Marin’s – James Dunn Theatre in recognition of his commitment and achievement.

Outside of the College, Dunn was the artistic director of the Marin County Mountain Play for 30 years.  He has also worked as a visiting director at the American Conservatory Theatre in San Francisco, the Old Globe Theatre in San Diego, Denver Center for the Arts in Colorado, the Julliard School in New York, the Marin Shakespeare Festival, and the Marin Theatre Company.

Anne Ripley: (Melissa Gardner): Anne’s most recent role was at Ross Valley Players, as Lady Dalrymple in Persuasion.  Other roles at RVP include Mrs. Graves in Enchanted April (nominated by SFBATCC for best principal), Daisy in Driving Miss Daisy, Ethel Thayer in On Golden Pond, and Mrs. Warren in Mrs. Warren’s Profession

She also played Mrs. Sowerberry in Oliver!, Mrs. Higgins in My Fair Lady (nominated for an SFBATCC award) for the Mountain Play Association, Fräulein Schneider in Cabaret, and Mrs. Farragut in Detective Story at the College of Marin. 

One of her favorite roles is Melissa in Love Letters, which she has had the privilege of performing with James Dunn, both at RVP and in nine benefit performances for various charity organizations.  She is thrilled to be asked to do it again with Jim for this special engagement. 

ABOUT COM DRAMA DEPARTMENT:

College of Marin Performing Arts productions have entertained audiences for 50 years while providing students opportunities to study with professional instructors. In order to maintain and grow our performing arts programming, we are completing capital improvements to our performing arts facilities. These improvements require special gifts for technology and equipment upgrades. This limited engagement of Love Letters will help us achieve these goals.

“The Rain Shadow” Press Release

Bay Area Filmmakers to Develop NEW SERIES starring Homicide Hunter Star, Carl Marino 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

December 7, 2014

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Carl Marino, star of the hit Investigation Discovery Channel series, Homicide Hunter: Lt. Joe Kenda, has announced he’ll be starring in and co-producing, a new one-hour drama, The Rain Shadow, in early 2015. Homicide Hunter, which was just picked up by Investigation Discovery for a fifth season, is currently broadcast in over 100 countries. The Rain Shadow tells the story of an outnumbered, and outgunned, small town sheriff (Marino), who is forced to turn to murder in order to stop a sinister element that has infiltrated his town. The series is being partly funded through Indiegogo.

Playing a sheriff comes naturally to Marino since he was a Deputy Sheriff in upstate New York for 17 years. Soon after relocating to San Jose, CA, he made his film debut in the independent film, Sedona’s Rule (2010). Almost immediately after, he was cast in the NBC show, Trauma (2009) that was filming in San Francisco. Since then, Marino has worked on, and been featured in, numerous feature films, network and cable television shows.Marino’s costar, Gretta Sosine, also resides in the Bay Area. Like Marino, Sosine appeared in Trauma, and has worked on Moneyball (2011), starring Brad Pitt, HBO’s Hemingway and Gelhorn (2012) starring Nicole Kidman and Clive Owen and various other projects.

Members of the production company also have Bay Area roots.  Director Trevor Adrian was born in Santa Cruz and studied with four-time Oscar winner, Mark Berger, at UC Berkeley. His short, The Stick Men, played at the Cannes Short Film Corner.

Producer Madeline DiMaggio moved to the Monterey Peninsula to raise her daughter and remained there for eighteen years while commuting to Los Angeles to work as a television writer.  DiMaggio worked as a contract writer for Paramount Studios in Pilot Development. She has written over 45 hours of produced prime time sitcoms, one-hour dramas, TV movies and features. While at Honest Engine films, she co-produced numerous independent features and documentaries, including Surviving Eden, starring Peter Dinklage and Jane Lynch. Currently, her cable movie, Profile for Murder, is running on the Lifetime Movie Network.

Technical Advisor Avram Walden was born in Santa Rosa and raised in Palo Alto and Mountain View. He studied computer science at Foothill College and is an IT specialist and freelance graphic and web designer.

Marketing and Social Media Coordinator Kelly Reiterman is a fourth-generation San Franciscan. She earned her B.A. in Radio-Television at San Francisco State University and has been working in marketing and social media since 2009.

For more information on the Indiegogo campaign, visit: http://igg.me/at/rstv.

Media Contact:
Trevor Adrian
Fellow Traveler Films
Email

Help Wanted (But Not Yours)

You may have heard that media spectacle Kim Kardashian has expressed interest in running for mayor of Glendale, California. (Note to Kim:  Glendale doesn’t elect a mayor. City Council Members are elected and the mayoral position rotates among the council. But don’t let rules and facts stop you, girl.)

What did Glendale ever do to deserve this? One of my best friends lives in Glendale and it’s a nice enough place. But, Kim’s political aspirations got me thinking about famous people and the professions they should never attempt. Here are a few from my list:

Mitt Romney:                                        Humane Society spokesman

Alec Baldwin:                                        Anger management specialist

John Edwards:                                     Marriage counselor

Newt Gingrich:                                     Hospice volunteer

Joe Lieberman:                                    Motivational speaker

Marcus and Michele Bachmann:       Dancing with the Stars contestants

Kirk Cameron:                                      Inter-faith liaison to gay community

Bill Maher:                                            Director of Christmas and Easter pageants

Rush Limbaugh:                                  Sexual harassment seminar speaker

Mel Gibson:                                          Director of the Simon Wiesenthal Center

I’m sure you have plenty of your own suggestions for those poor, bored politicians and celebrities. There is one guy who is in bit of trouble for all the money he spent on a Las Vegas conference, among other things. Jeffrey Neely is an official with the Government Services Administration (the “GSA”) and the apparent organizer of the $823,000 Las Vegas conference.

‘Ol Jeff pleaded the 5th before a House committee and it doesn’t take a genius to know that he’s going to be out of a job soon. But with his skills, I see a rosy future as an event planner. Kim Kardashian’s inauguration party won’t happen on its own, after all.

Sex After Kids

Is there sex after kids? I’m not the most qualified person to answer that question because (a) I don’t have kids, and (b) Sex? I vaguely remember what that is. Luckily for you, you don’t have to rely on your humble blogger for all of your post-baby sex information. I could pretend to be hip and say, “There’s an app for that” but who am I kidding? I’m terminally un-hip. I’ll just tell you that there’s a movie for that.

The movie is called, aptly enough, Sex After Kids, and it springs from the mind of Canadian writer/director, Jeremy LaLonde. Jeremy has assembled a cast that will be well-known to Canadian viewers. Included among the cast are three actors, Zoie Palmer, Kris Holden-Ried and Paul Amos, who appear in the hit Canadian television series, Lost Girl, which is also airing in the United States on Syfy and around the world.

A fund raising campaign is underway via Indiegogo to help make this film a reality. The campaign runs until Friday, April 13th. Here’s one of the trailers to give you an idea about what you’ll see:

If you value independent film, please think about contributing whatever you can. If you can’t make a financial contribution, share the links with friends and family and spread the word through any social media sites you use.

You don’t need to have kids (or even like them very much, frankly) in order to support this film. I support this film because I like smart, intelligent comedies and those can be hard to find. Kind of like my sex life. But that’s another story and not one that will be made into any kind of movie.

Finding Paradise in a Cruel World

 

 

 

 

We’ve all heard the saying that “Music calms the savage beast”. I haven’t been in the company of any beasts bordering on savagery lately, so I’ll just have to take it on faith. What I do know, however, is how music can inspire and soothe a sad and solitary soul. That has been the state of my own soul more times than not lately.

When I’m in one of these dark places, the last thing I want to do is go out and be around people. But that’s exactly what I need to do. Luckily for me and my morose mood, I decided to venture over to Berkeley a couple of nights ago to hear some music. Two musicians who I knew via Twitter were performing. Gretchen Peters is an award-winning singer-songwriter and a fellow “grammar geek”. I mentioned Gretchen back in this post. She has a new album out called Hello Cruel World. Accompanying her on the tour is Barry Walsh, an amazing pianist and songwriter and also Gretchen’s husband. Barry, too, has a new album out called, “Paradiso”.

Barry’s piano playing evokes such powerful emotions in me. Whether the songs are his compositions or his take on something by French composer Erik Satie, for example, Barry’s playing brings me to tears. The tears may be joyful or filled with sadness, but I’m definitely moved.

What sets Gretchen’s music apart from much of what we hear today is authenticity. She not only tells you a story but she uses her words beautifully to paint a scene, set a mood or describe a character. There are no clichés or gimmicks to be found. Take for example these lyrics:

 

There’s a man out here puts his head in the mouth of a crocodile.
Puts the whole thing in, takes it out and gives the crowd a great big smile.

“Woman on the Wheel”

The moon had a fight with the parking lot light
And slunk off to hide in the clouds.

“Camille”

I’m a ticking clock, a losing bet.
I’m a girl without a safety net.
I’m a cause for some concern.

“Hello Cruel World”

Hello Cruel World walks on the darker side when it comes to the mood it exudes. You may think that a dark collection of songs would be the last type of music to lift me out of my heavy fog. When I listen to Gretchen’s stories about regret or resolve, passion or pain, it provides exactly what’s been lacking in my life: connection. Certain lyrics resonate and make me feel less alone in my solitude or sorrow. When you add the benefit of sharing the experience with others, be they friends or strangers, the effect is like an elixir.

I know that one night out, or one CD isn’t a cure-all for life’s problems. But what it is a cure for is that sense of isolation that arises from the feeling that nobody else knows what you’re going through. A gifted artist can reach inside himself or herself and pull something out that reverberates with something within you. Gretchen and Barry do this for me and I want to thank them for that.

I urge you to check out both of their sites and if they’re coming to a town near you on their tour, make a point to see them in concert. At the very least, take a listen to some of their music. You will not be sorry.

Typo No!

I assume that most of the people reading this blog came to find it and me via Twitter. I adore Twitter. Not only have I made some new friends thanks to those 140 characters, but I’ve also become aware of music and books that had previously been unknown to me. The theme of today’s post is one such example.

Thanks to a singer-songwriter I follow on Twitter named Gretchen Peters and our tweets back and forth about spelling and grammar, I became aware of a man named Jeff Deck. Gretchen tweeted a link to an interview Jeff gave about his book, The Great Typo Hunt: Two Friends Changing the World One Correction at a Time, and I was immediately intrigued. You see, I’m one of those people who can spot spelling errors everywhere. I find them in books, on websites, and scrolling to the side, under and above the television anchorperson’s talking head. I don’t look for these errors, they just appear in front of me, mockingly.

In fact, I once received a form rejection letter for a proofreading job and it was addressed to “Dear Job Seaker”. Despite my disappointment in not getting the job, the irony was not lost on me. You can imagine the pithy and witty response I sent back, can’t you?

Jeff and his friend Benjamin D. Herson, who co-wrote the book, traveled across the country hunting down typos in small town diners, national parks, etc. People like Gretchen and me understand this quest. As Jeff tried to explain to his girlfriend Jane, the reason why typos were a problem was because they represent, “The creeping menace of carelessness”.

Even if you don’t give a damn about the Oxford comma and it doesn’t faze you when someone uses “loose” instead of “lose” in a sentence, you have to admit that as a culture, we have become more careless about the rules of grammar and spelling. Granted, no one is perfect. In fact, I’m nervous that this post will contain some sort of grammatical error. The difference is, I care if I make a mistake.

In the book, Jeff describes two schools of thought when it comes to grammar and spelling correction. In this corner, we have the Descriptivists, aka, the Grammar Hippies. This approach favors a more subjective view of language and how people spell now, rather than how something is supposed to be spelled. To the Grammar Hippie, language is in a constant state of change and movement, kind of like those rhythmically-challenged, tie-dye wearing folks dancing at a Grateful Dead concert.

In the other corner, there are the Prescriptivists, or the Grammar Hawks. The Hawks believe that there is one way to spell, punctuate, etc., and that doesn’t change. There is a longstanding tradition and it works. There’s no need to mess with it. None of this hippie-dippy nonsense for the Hawks. No sirree!

It didn’t take me long to realize that I totally identify as a Grammar Hawk. To me, it’s a no-brainer. You learn how to spell a word and that doesn’t change. You place a comma here, and it stays there. How you feel about the placement of said comma or how you want a word to be spelled is irrelevant. I remember rolling my eyes when an ex of mine tried to explain why whole language learning was better than strict phonics. (She was a schoolteacher.)

She said that proper spelling wasn’t as important as understanding the meaning and context of the words. This was heresy to me. Sure, when the word “cat” is written, an image of a feline would help with context. But this doesn’t mean that it’s okay for a child to continually misspell “cat” despite knowing what one is.

To me, the emphasis on feeling and self-esteem I perceive from the Descriptivists point of view is a factor in why we’re seeing more typos and grammatical mistakes. It also reminds me of a previous post about children and sports. When the purpose of an endeavor, be it a game or writing an essay, becomes more about self-esteem than about skill development, we, as a culture, suffer.

Wherever you find yourself on the spelling spectrum, Jeff and Benjamin will take you on an entertaining and informative ride in their book. There were times when I became really depressed while reading it. All I could see was the downfall of our culture as each typo was found. I was further saddened that when the mistakes were pointed out to people, many reacted either defensively or apathetically.

Ultimately, though, Jeff and Benjamin didn’t undertake this journey to be scolds or to make people feel stupid. They did this to facilitate better communication between people. If the world could use one thing more than anything else right now, it would be better communication and understanding. On that, I think both Grammar Hawks and Grammar Hippies can agree.

There’s the Rub

 

I have a love/hate relationship with massage. On the one hand, I enjoy giving them and I’ve been told I’m very good at it. On the other hand, I’ve yet to receive one that left me feeling better, not worse.

 

 

My physical therapist is astounded by how tight and stiff my neck, shoulders and back are. And knead, push and pull as she might, I don’t seem to loosen up. So, I’m thinking that perhaps it’s time to give massage another shot.

The last experience I had with massage was over a decade ago and I don’t remember much except that during and after, I felt like a baseball bat hit me all over my body. From my experience as a massage giver, I know that’s not the way to get repeat business (or a another date, for that matter).

You may be wondering (or at least I hope you are), just how I learned to give massages. Well, I have to take you back to the not-so-golden days of high school. At St. Rose Academy, Christmas break really didn’t mean a complete break. The week before school was to resume, we were given a choice of activities from which to choose for our intellectual or cultural enrichment. These included:

Travel: Enjoy a week in Lake Tahoe or Mazatlan with a teacher as chaperone. I don’t know what exactly skiing in Tahoe was supposed to teach but the case could be made for brushing up on your Spanish in Mexico. I’m sure there were many girls who asked, “¿Donde esta Ramon? El es muy guapo.” This option was chosen by: Rich girls generally, and slutty, rich girls, specifically.

Volunteering: Work at a soup kitchen, help at the local recycling center or other such worthy endeavors. This option was chosen by: Really religious girls or girls looking to pad those college applications with heart string-pulling extra-curricular activities.

Classes: Show up at school and learn something that isn’t part of the standard curriculum during the year. I distinctly remember learning dance steps to The Manhattan Transfer’s Boy From New York City in one such class. To this day, I dislike that song. Another class offering was shiatsu massage. This option was chosen by: You guessed it. Me.

It was a couple years later while in college that I picked up that old massage book and starting practicing on my friends. I don’t recall how it came up in conversation but when my friends found out that I learned shiatsu massage, they begged me to give them all one. (Oh, how I wished some cute girl would have wanted a massage. But, alas, I was still trying to convince myself that I was straight. Unsuccessfully, I might add.)

Back then, a typical Saturday night for me and the dateless bunch I hung out with consisted of drinking wine, talking about ideas (philosophy, politics, etc.), and listening to music. Most often our music of choice was mellow and along the lines of Sade or Bryan Ferry. Ferry’s Boys and Girls album provided the primary musical background to those evenings. (Too bad it wasn’t the background to other kinds of evenings with people who weren’t my friends, if you catch my drift.)

I do miss those days. I was young and in college and my life was ahead of me, full of possibilities. I enjoyed deep conversations and even deeper laughs. Fast forward 26 years and the only place I seem to experience either chat or chuckles is via social media. While Twitter and Facebook can do many things, you can’t give or get a massage and discuss past lives while this plays in the background:

Too bad.

Even Barbie Has a Tattoo

I don’t like tattoos. I find them unattractive and I’ve never seen the appeal. Now, if you or someone you love have tattoos, that’s your business. There are reasons why I will never get one and I’ll get to those shortly. A couple things happened the other day that brought the topic of tattoos front and center.

 

 

The first trigger was hearing about Barbie getting a tattoo. My first reaction was to roll my eyes. I remember when Ken got facial hair in the 70s. Um, yeah. Groovy.

I had every Barbie accessory. My Barbie lived in the townhouse with the working elevator. She had the dune buggy and camper. And she even used to date my best friend Tony’s Big Jim. (What do you mean Big Jim isn’t an accessory?!) Perhaps “date” is not the correct term for what Barbie and Big Jim were doing. What do you call taking Ken to the prom and as soon as he gives you a chaste peck on the cheek you’re calling Big Jim to come over and demonstrate how his prehensile hands work? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

So, the idea of Barbie getting tattoos doesn’t surprise me considering that they’re more common nowadays. I still remember when having a tattoo was stigmatized. People made judgments about someone based on having tattoos. Is this right? No, but we all make judgments about people based on many factors. Anyone who says he or she doesn’t, needs to book that flight to Rome for canonization for sainthood.

The second event that got me to thinking about tattoos was a woman I saw at physical therapy. She was older than me, perhaps in her late 50s. As I get older, it’s harder for me to guess someone’s age. In any case, she wasn’t some nubile young thing with a toned torso and beautiful biceps. She was an average, older woman except for one thing. Her arms and legs were covered with tattoos.

The sight of her made me think about why I’ll never get a tattoo:

Pain: Listen, lab technicians have enough problems finding a vein when I need blood drawn. I can’t imagine willingly subjecting myself to skin carving. I’m a lot of things, but a masochist isn’t one of them.

Tattoos Don’t Age Well: A tattoo of some hot, curvy babe on your muscular biceps may look great when you’re in your 20s. Look in the mirror when you hit 50 and your biceps haven’t been curled in years, buddy boy. Add to this, the effect of sun damage and wrinkles, and you get the picture. And it’s not pretty.

Tattoos Are Permanent: I’m in a constant state of flux of what I like and what I believe. It would be just my luck to get a yin-yang symbol tattooed on my ass only to become Amish some day. Great. Try explaining that to my husband Yoder. Then again, he’s named Yoder and he wears a goofy beard. And there’s that little fact that I’m a lesbian. But, you get my drift.

So, friends, if you decide to get a tattoo, remember to stay in shape, keep out of the sun and moisturize and don’t put anything on your body that you may be embarrassed about later. You’d be surprised how bitchy those Amish women can get around the sewing circle.

Babies Crawl and So Does My Skin

Some of you may remember my rant about the Nutella commercial in which I take umbrage with the premise that giving Nutella to your kids for breakfast is acceptable. Well, boys and girls, once again a commercial has elicited a strong reaction from me and yes, it relates to my childhood. (I know that you’re shocked.)

This time the commercial is for Huggies and it features miscellaneous toddlers crawling all over the floor. I’m sure that most people find it cute, perhaps even amusing. It creeps me out. In case you haven’t seen it, here it is:

Why, you may be asking, does this commercial bother me so much? Well, to answer this question, I need to give you a little back story that may help. In my first post on this blog, I told you that my parents tried for nine years to have a baby and after multiple medical tests and novenas, ta dah! I was born.

Well, with all that effort, you can imagine how wanted I was and how protective my parents were. (I wasn’t allowed to cross the street by myself until I was 10. I’m not kidding.) One of the ways my parents protected me was by controlling my environment. Compared to the rounded corners, helmets, knee pads, elbow pads and the like that today’s kids deal with, my parents seem almost negligent. Then again, back in the 1960s and 1970s, kids got boo-boos and weren’t micro-managed. But that is a different post.

There was one area in particular in which my mother was obsessed. Dirt. I’ve written about growing up with an aversion to the beach because sand was dirty and dangerous. My mother had the same fear about floors. Not any particular floor, but all surfaces on which you walk: linoleum, wood, carpet and of course, pavement. These surfaces were teeming with all sorts of disgusting and unmentionable things. When I was a teenager, my mother and I were at some function and I saw the look she got on her face when some mother put her kid down on the floor to crawl. The look was a combination of shock and disgust.

Naturally, I asked her about this and here’s how the conversation went.

Kelly
What’s that look for?

Mom
That baby. Crawling all over the floor.

Kelly
That’s what babies do.

Mom
You didn’t. We didn’t let you.

Kelly
What do you mean you didn’t let me?

Mom
Floors, no matter how clean, are not
hygienic. That child over there had his
hands where shoes and dogs have been.
Now his fingers are in his mouth. God
knows what germs he’s picked up.

Kelly
O-kay. How did you stop me from crawling?

Mom
You went from standing in your playpen to
walking. Every night, your father or I would stand at
the opposite end of the playpen and get you to walk
to us. Then you started walking all over the place.

Kelly
(mumbling)
Except across the street alone.

Mom
What was that?

Kelly
Nothing. Nothing at all.

So, according to my mother, I went from this:


to this without missing a proverbial beat.

(There was no way this outfit was going to get dirty, no sirree!)

So fast forward to me today at age 46 and this commercial comes on. I don’t see happy, giggling kids scampering across the floor. I see little human Petri dishes of disease. I bet you’re not surprised that I decided not to have children, are you? My cats are enough work and it’s a good thing that they wash their own paws. But, I do have these on hand just in case…